what are we handing down?

It's surreal how a soft-spoken "Mom, can you come here?" from your teenager at the front door can elicit the evolutionary fight or flight response.


"What?" I demand. Translation: "Are you OK? Is the car OK? Is anyone bleeding? Is anyone dead?"


"Just come here, please."


As I follow him out the door, I find myself muttering under my breath, just loud enough for my friend to hear, "I can't take anything big. I can't take anything big."


Truth is, I could. I knew no matter what awaited me, I could take it. 


The moment had nothing really to do with the reality: a stalled car in the street that needed to be pushed up the driveway. Material items can be fixed or replaced. This moment was a prime teaching opportunity, a chance to show my children (3 of whom were involved with the car) that when faced with a predicament, you literally and figuratively keep walking and face it. 


I was giving my children what I had - the gift of effective coping skills. Quiet, reflective, calm cope.


I have other less desirable coping strategies, of course. My favorite (*insert sarcasm*) is one I've deemed Monster Mommy. It isn't attractive and no one cares for it, but it can propel my family into action faster than calm cope. It doesn't need to come out daily, just often enough that they don't forget I am capable of unleashing Monster Mommy. 


Ultimately, though, Monster Mommy only teaches chaos and uncontrolled feelings that are randomly spewed. There is nothing positive or constructive with it's use.


I need to teach my children effective ways to live their lives. Following Brené Brown's Imperfect Parenting Blog suggestion to identify things I'm handing down to my children, I offer the following current list:

• calm coping abilities
• less blame and more acceptance of facts
• ability to show care and compassion
• required basics for a strong marital foundation
• importance of knowing WHO you are
• unapologetic expression of self

It took several people to push the thankfully small car up to it's parking spot. Allen was able to have Michael talk him through solutions on the phone that evening and the teen was back in business the next morning. Allen had a few flares of frustrations, who wouldn't? But he practiced his calm, quiet, reflective coping skills and ended the day knowing he can take no matter what awaits him, as can I.